This is opposed to providing means and opportunities to continue engaging in self-destructive behaviors. Enabling behavior is often unintentional and stems from a desire to help. In fact, many people who enable others don’t even realize what they’re doing. You might feel depleted and blame the other person for taking all your energy and time.
Enabling Emotional and Psychological Dependencies
People who engage in enabling behaviors are aware of the destructiveness of the other person’s behaviors and try to do what they can to prevent further issues. Rather than confronting a loved one or setting boundaries, someone who engages in enabling behavior may persistently steer clear of conflict. They may skip the topic or pretend they didn’t see the problematic behavior.
- These examples below are precursors for developing unhealthy family roles and are signs that you may be an enabler to a loved one struggling with addiction.
- They engage in enabling behaviors out of love, guilt, or a desire to avoid conflict, often believing they are helping by covering up or making excuses for the loved one’s harmful actions.
- Minimizing the issue implies to your loved one that they can continue to treat you similarly with no consequences.
- It’s a bit like learning a new language – at first it feels awkward and uncomfortable, but with practice, it becomes more natural.
Understanding and addressing enabling behaviors is a crucial step in the recovery process. It requires a balance of compassion and firmness, encouraging loved ones to take responsibility for their actions and seek the help they need. Whether it’s exploring different therapy techniques or finding resources to maintain sobriety, recognizing the thin line between help and hindrance can make all the difference. Enabling occurs when friends or family of an addict are actively enmeshed with the addict’s substance use disorder and attempt to micromanage the condition.
Taking on someone else’s responsibilities is another form of enabling behavior. However, in reality, it prolongs the process of coming to terms with addiction and finding help to recover. Enabling sacrifices the long-term happiness of an individual for short-term satisfaction.
Why Do Parents Enable Addiction or Mental Health Conditions?
This can take many forms, including paying a person’s rent or debt, lying to people about a loved one’s substance use, fixing their tickets or bailing them out of jail. A lot of times, people don’t realize that they are enabling someone because they think they are helping. It is difficult to compare an enabler and an abuser because they are two different things. However, enablers usually have good intentions that are misplaced, while abusers are typically trying to gain something over their victims.
- When a spouse covers for a partner who is too hungover to go to work, he or she is enabling that behavior.
- You or your loved one may not have accepted there’s a problem.
- The road to recovery and change is almost never a spotless one, so it’s important not to guilt trip or shame them if and when they slip.
- Victims of emotional or physical abuse should contact authorities whenever possible, and reach out for help from support groups or meetings.
If you think your actions might enable your loved one, consider talking to a therapist. In therapy, you can start identifying enabling behaviors and get support as you learn to help your loved one in healthier ways. Enabling usually refers to patterns that appear in the context of drug or alcohol misuse and addiction. More than a role, enabling is a dynamic that often arises in specific scenarios.
Enabling Substance Abuse and Addiction
Enabling is very commonly seen in the context of substance abuse, substance use disorders, and addiction. This stage is often filled with guilt, frustration, and overwhelming stress, but it can also be the first step toward acknowledging the need for change and setting healthier boundaries. In the compliance stage, the enabler tries to comply or accommodate the other person’s destructive behaviors. In the denial stage of enabling, the enabler tries to downplay or deny that there is a problem or that their actions are potentially harmful and unhealthy. Protecting enabling involves shielding the other person from the consequences of their actions.
This pattern of self-sacrifice and people-pleasing significantly impact their overall well-being. In this scenario, the person with a mental health condition or substance use disorder loses their independence and isn’t empowered to recover or make necessary changes. Minimizing the issue implies to your loved one that they can continue to treat you similarly with no consequences. It’s tempting to make excuses for your loved one to other family members or friends when you worry other people enabling behavior definition will judge them harshly or negatively. Financially enabling a loved one can have particularly damaging consequences if they struggle with addiction or alcohol misuse.
Making excuses
People who engage in enabling behaviors aren’t the “bad guy,” but their actions have the potential to promote and support unhealthy behaviors and patterns in others. Transitioning from enabling to truly helping involves setting and maintaining clear, firm boundaries. Discuss these boundaries with your loved one, emphasizing that while your support for their recovery is unwavering, you won’t shield them from the repercussions of their actions. Encourage them to engage in therapy or support groups, and express your belief in their ability to overcome addiction. Remember, your role is to support their path to recovery, not to walk it for them.
You might tell yourself this behavior isn’t so bad or convince yourself they wouldn’t do those things if not for addiction. Your adult child struggles to manage their money and never has enough to pay their rent. Helping them out each month won’t teach them how to manage their money.
This is due to their deep emotional bonds and sense of responsibility for their loved one’s well-being. They engage in enabling behaviors out of love, guilt, or a desire to avoid conflict, often believing they are helping by covering up or making excuses for the loved one’s harmful actions. Caregiving roles, dysfunctional family patterns, and power imbalances reinforce enabling behaviors, making it challenging to establish healthy boundaries.
It can also end up in worsened outcomes in relationships and the overall situation, as destructive behaviors continue they come with higher risk. Enabling another person’s behavior also can lead to them struggling for longer periods of time, since they never learn the skills they need to break out of the destructive cycle they are in. An example of an enabler can be someone who supports another person’s alcohol addiction.
A person becomes an enabler through a combination of psychological, emotional, and relational factors. Enabling typically arises from a deep-seated desire to protect or support a loved one, often leading to behaviors that inadvertently perpetuate harmful actions. Enablers are often motivated by a complex interplay of care, fear, and personal needs, which are intensified by societal expectations, particularly for women. Enablers usually act with good intentions, aiming to help rather than cause harm.
Recent Comments